


I just love Halloween

by Bill_Longbow, MassiveSpaceWren



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Established Relationship, Fluff, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, M/M, Multi, Rating May Change, Tentacles, a tiny bit of angst, ill advised drunken shenanigans, tentacle!Tony
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-01 15:49:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16287401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bill_Longbow/pseuds/Bill_Longbow, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MassiveSpaceWren/pseuds/MassiveSpaceWren
Summary: What can possibly go wrong when you read from an ancient tome on all hallow's eve during a blood moon?Well...Tony might accidentally transform himself into a half man, half octopus being, and his boyfriends might not really mind all that much. Except how does this octopus thingy work?





	I just love Halloween

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fancy_Dragonqueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fancy_Dragonqueen/gifts).



> For the sweetest dragon out there, happy birthday! Hope you have a day filled with sunshine and love!  
> *hugs tight*
> 
> Special thank you to [ Wini](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winifred_Zachery/pseuds/Winifred_Zachery) for being an awesome cheerreader and beta!
> 
> The fic is by Bill and the awesome art is made by Wren!

“What do you think that’ll do?”

 

“I don’t know, which is the fun part, Buckaroo, live a little.”

 

“Yeah, operative word here being ‘live’, genius.”

 

“Tsk, oh ye of little faith. I’ve done the math, honestly, if my math says it’s safe then it’s safe.”

 

The argument, if you could call it that, slowly filtered into his consciousness. He wished it didn’t. Sleep was a far more benign state than this headache where his brain tried to escape its confines through his skull. Even moaning seemed too much of an effort, so he lay there trying to block out the voices.

 

“You mean those scribbles on that dirty napkin over there?”

 

“Excuse you, I just proved that the nonsense in this book is indeed nonsense. The worst that can happen is that we’ll smell of seaweed until the sun sets.”

 

“Not sure why you’re hell bent on this dumb shit, but whatever. Go ahead, do the incantation.”

 

Steve knew this could only spell trouble with a capital T, but he was too sore and probably still drunk because the logic of why this would be bad eluded him at the moment. His groan was too weak to be heard above the Greek that now came from Tony’s mouth like he was born on mount Olympus, and when he tried to move, the world, or his brain, or both spun so hard he very purposefully stayed as still as possible. Whatever was about to happen couldn’t be any worse than how he felt right now, he thought, right before he passed out again.

 

He was wrong.

  
  


When Steve woke everything was quiet. Too quiet. More like an absence of sound than true tranquility. There should’ve been snoring, for instance. Maybe the prittle prattle of a coffee machine or the running of the shower. Instead there was nothing, and the unease this caused made Steve wake up faster than he would’ve liked. At least the world didn’t spin anymore when he tried to move.

 

As he sat up the headache didn’t get worse, and he didn’t feel the need to run to the toilet to barf. Drinking water for the win! He would never do shots again though. He vaguely remembered someone dressed as a sexy zombie challenging him to a shots duel, and well, he never backed down from a challenge, did he? What followed was a haze. He thought Tony and Bucky had carried him home between them. He knew he’d had two liters of water before going to sleep and yeah, that was what had woken him.

 

Steve gingerly stood up, holding onto the back of the couch for support as he wobbled to his feet. The world did a little seesaw lurching thing, but quickly stood still again, and he picked his way through the semi-darkness. It must still be early for it to be this dark and quiet.

 

When he got to the hallway he could hear hushed voices upstairs. Sounded like Tony and Bucky were awake as well, they probably hadn't come down so as not to wake him. He tried to relieve himself as fast as he could, which wasn't very fast at all since he was still in his fighter pilot overalls and the zipper got stuck. He cursed Tony and his love of uniforms until he got the thing down.

 

He thought he had made enough of a racket for the other two to realise he was awake and come down, but when he opened the door they were still quietly talking. Now that he wasn't as preoccupied with taking a leak he noticed the voices came from the upstairs hall. Which was weird. Bucky sounded scared too. What was going on?

 

He quickly mounted the stairs to find Bucky sitting on the landing with his back against the bathroom door. Steve noticed he was still in his costume (the Dude), his face haggard with large bags under his eyes. When Steve stumbled upstairs he sighed in relief.

 

“Stevie, thank God, maybe you can talk some sense into him. He's been holed up in there for hours.”

 

“I'm not coming out,” Tony said, sounding petulant.

 

“What?” Steve looked puzzled between Bucky and the door, needing a little more time and maybe some bacon and eggs to get his brain back online. And coffee. Definitely coffee. “Why is he..? What are you..?”

 

“Don't you dare tell him, Barnes,” Tony yelled. Steve supposed it was meant to sound menacing, but Tony sounded more scared than anything, and all it did was rack up Steve’s worry.

 

“Come out and stop me,” Bucky hollered back, and yay, Steve's headache was back. Bucky stroked an angry hand through his hair. “Our moron genius in there tried an incantation and transformed himself into some kind of… thing? Don' rightly know cause one moment there's this blindin’ light and the next I see some Davy Jones kinda shit scurrying outta the room.”

 

“I don't look like Davy Jones, asshole.” Tony's voice was faint over the sound of something moving in the tub. Was Tony taking a bath?

 

“Well, I don't know what you look like, do I? Seein’ as you're acting like a fifteen year old who got dumped.” Bucky yelled back.

 

From inside the bathroom a soft sob could be heard and Steve saw how much Bucky regretted his outburst, rubbing his forehead as a way of hiding it. “I’m worried, Steve,” Bucky whispered, “I don’ know what’s going on.”

 

“Alright. You go down and make us breakfast. I'll stay here and keep Tony company.” Steve gave Bucky a hand to help him up and hugged him before taking his place against the door. “It'll be okay, you’ll see. And don’t bother coming back without grease and caffeine.”

 

“Sir, yes sir,” Bucky griped, but it was faint, his whole posture slumped as he was weighed down with fatigue and worry.

 

Steve still had no clue what was going on here. It seemed a bit too elaborate to be a prank, but what Bucky claimed was too preposterous to be true. His headache was steadily getting worse, and Steve knew the painkillers were in the bathroom with Tony.

 

“Tony, think you can pass me some aspirine? My head is killing me.” He made his voice sound a little more pained than he actually felt, but if it made Tony open the door he wasn’t above a little subterfuge.

 

From inside the bathroom he heard movement from the tub again, a sort of squeaking noise, something that sounded like a wet rag dragging across the floor, the opening of the closet and then the rattle of a pill box. The door Steve was leaning against moved inwards a tiny bit, and the bottle was dropped through the crack, before it closed again with a bang.

 

“Thanks Tony.” Steve popped two pills in his mouth and dry-swallowed them, shuddering at the awful taste.

 

“Wanna tell me what’s going on?” Steve leaned back again, trying to get comfortable.

 

“... No.”

 

“M’kay, I’ll just wait here for Bucky to come and bring us breakfast.” Steve knew only Tony could outstubborn him and Bucky, so trying to convince him when the other had made up his mind about camping out in the bathroom was as futile as trying to stay dry in a thunderstorm with nothing but a napkin. (He might’ve tried.)

 

It stayed quiet in the bathroom. Every so often he heard another squeaking sound, and from below came the comforting noise of Bucky making a mess of the kitchen while making something delicious for them. It was almost peaceful, until Tony’s voice came from close by, probably leaning against the door as well.

 

“I’m scared, Steve.” He sounded so small and all Steve wanted to do was break down the door and go in there to hug him. Instead he hummed.

 

“Why, sweetheart?”

 

The silence stretched between them after his question, making Steve afraid he had scared Tony away again.

 

“That there’s no cure…”

 

Steve sighed quietly, willing his racing heart to calm down a bit. Tony never ever admitted to being afraid, always taking on whatever scared him headfirst. It was one of the things Steve loved about him, his blatant refusal to be cowed. The man on the other side of the door didn't sound like his Tony at all, and it scared Steve more than he could let on, because his lovers were counting on him.  

 

“Tony, I really want to hug you right now,” he said quietly.

 

“Can't let you see me like this,” Tony countered.

 

“Why? I don't understand what's going on.” Steve felt himself get angry with powerlessness. He understood why Bucky snapped if he tried to talk Tony out of the bathroom for hours. Getting angry would only make Tony get defensive however, and make him stay in there who knew how long.

 

Steve nearly missed Tony's quiet “me neither,” when Bucky came up the stairs with a breakfast from heaven.

 

“Are we breaking down the door?” he asked casually when he put the tray onto the floor and sat down cross-legged across from Steve.

 

“No, we're not.” Steve sighed as he picked up his coffee. “Tony already doesn't trust us, we're not gonna add to that.” It was a low blow, playing the trust card, but he was flying blind here, and he really wanted to resolve whatever this was and proceed into hangover cuddling.

 

“What exactly happened last night?”

 

“Told ya, after you passed out on us Tony tried out one of the spells in that old tome we got at the yard sale last year, remember? Said it was a Halloweeny thing to do.” Bucky took a big bite of his bacon and egg sandwich and chewed thoughtfully. “So he's talkin’ Latin--”

 

“Greek,” came from the other side of the door.

 

“He was talkin’ _Greek_ , and suddenly there's a blindin’ blue light and the sound of waves, and when my eyesight comes back I see a bunch a _tentacles_ hightailing it outta the room.”

 

Another sob from the bathroom.

 

“Tentacles.” Steve was 78% sure he was being fucked with.

 

“Tentacles.” Bucky’s confirmation sounded casual, but the way his hand shook as he brought his coffee cup to his mouth belied the calmness of his voice.

 

“You’re fucking with me.” Steve really, really wanted this to be a huge prank. Served him right for getting into a shots competition. Tony had warned him to leave honour at home and back out, hadn’t he?

 

The look Bucky shot him was part annoyance and part something else entirely. “Look, I was convinced it was some kind of drunken hallucination thing? Like, how everyone looks prettier when you’re drunk, only with more limbs? But why the hell would Tony be in the bathroom for, what time was it again, six hours if there wasn’t something fishy going on?” Bucky said as he waved a piece of toast at Steve.

 

“Pun intended?” Steve had to try to keep the mood light, or else go crazy.

 

“I hate you,” Tony piped up again, “Barnacle.”

 

Steve smiled in relief, if Tony was joking again things weren’t as bad as they seemed.

 

He reached out for another piece of bacon when suddenly it hit him with the force of a heavy truck, or a tsunami, to stay with the nautical theme.

 

“Tony, sweet thing, you know we don’t care how many limbs you have, as long as you’re okay?” He said carefully.

 

“Of course you do, not even you are that perfect,” Tony’s sullen voice was moving away from the door again.

 

“You do realise tentacles feature in like 30% of all porn, don’t you?” Bucky grinned wolfishly at Steve.

 

“You’re such a caveman, why do we put up with you again?” Steve mock chided him, winking at the same time. “Tony, let me in before he ravages me!”

 

“Stop making fun of this!” Tony yelled. “I’m disgusting! I’m abominable and scared and how the hell did this happen and what if it never goes away? Am I to be a monster of the deep for the rest of my life? What about my job? What about going outside? You can’t put a little concealer on eight fucking tentacles!” In his anger Tony had opened the door and stood panting in the doorway, really close to where Steve held a bite of bacon midair, frozen in shock.

 

_Tony had tentacles._

 

Tony had tentacles instead of legs.

 

Across the hall he noticed Bucky falling into the same state of shock, but the other man recovered quicker than Steve. Maybe because he’d seen part of Tony already.

 

“Holy shit, doll, you’re gorgeous,” Bucky said as he let his eyes roam over the entirety of Tony.

 

Steve had to agree. The tentacles started around where Tony’s hips should be, as thick as Steve’s thigh and gradually tapering off towards the tip. They were a vivid red, but where they hit the light they shimmered and appeared almost golden. It fit really well with the Princess Leia costume he was still wearing the top half of.

 

Tony would’ve been even more stunning if he didn’t wobble and lurch to the side when he tried to move back into the bathroom again, and Steve instinctively shot up to catch him. Tony tried to push him away, but Steve grabbed firm hold of him and held him close to his chest, not letting him escape to suffer alone again.

 

When Tony sagged against him, even put his arms around Steve’s neck, he pulled him tighter, relief of Tony being alive and with them again battling with the worry about Tony having tentacles. Tentacles!

 

He pulled away a bit to search Tony’s face and top half for any other signs of transformation, but couldn’t spot any. No gills, that was good, wasn’t it?

 

“Are you… are you in pain, Tony? How are you feeling?” Bucky had stepped closer as well, running a hand over Tony’s back, stopping just short of where his ass used to be. “I’m so sorry I didn’t stop you, doll,” he said, and looked heartbroken.

 

“I feel seasick because I keep wobbling on these things and I need to pee but I don’t know how!” Tony sounded crestfallen, all but hanging onto Steve for support now.

 

“Okay, let’s get you back in the bathroom so it doesn’t matter where you let go,” Steve said and half carried Tony the few steps back. “Wanna sit on my lap?” Steve didn’t know if Tony could fit anymore, his lower half was large now, but he didn’t mind getting squashed or peed on if it made his lover feel better.

 

Nodding miserably Tony climbed onto his lap, and, oh, okay, that was… that was really nice, with all the wriggling and the suction things that held onto the fabric of his overalls. He wondered how it would-- no! Tony needed to pee, this sounded like a thing they could find out together.

 

“Bucky, google how octopuses pee, will you?” Steve held onto Tony’s upper body, trying to rub some warmth into his arms.

 

Bucky pulled his phone from one of his bathrobe’s pockets and started typing. “Okay, Wikipedia says: _Sulfate and potassium exist in a hypoionic state as well, with the exception of the excretory systems of cephalopods where the urine is hyperionic. ... Once filtration and reabsorption are complete, the urine is emptied into Octopus vulgaris' mantle cavity via a pair of renal papillae, one from each renal sac._ ” Bucky looked up at them blank-eyed . “I have no clue what I just read.”

 

Steve frowned and studied Tony’s tentacles. “What’s your vulgaris mantle?”

 

“How the hell would I know?” Tony looked down as well, wiggling some of his body experimentally and Steve wished he’d stop doing that, because, yeah, he could definitely see the why of tentacle porn now.

 

“Woah, did you know octopuses have nine brains? Every tentacle has its own brain.” Bucky exclaimed, making all three of them look intently at the tentacles for a minute.

 

“Okay, that’s kinda fascinating, I have to admit,” Tony said. “What else does it say?”

 

“Hmm, supposedly there’s a _tube_ from your _mantle_ to access water. Maybe that’s where the piss goes?”

 

“Sounds logical.” Steve reached out and turned on the bath, but turned to Tony. “Should there be salt in there? Aren’t all cephalopods salt water creatures?”

 

“Just run the damn bath so I can take a leak and have breakfast. That bacon over there is taunting me. And where is my coffee?”

 

Now this sounded more like their Tony, Steve was glad to note, but Bucky was still engrossed in his phone. Tony frowned and one of the tentacles slowly raised and slapped the phone from Bucky’s hand. “Hey, look at that!” Tony looked too pleased with this accomplishment in tentacle manipulation for Steve to chide him.

 

“Hey, that’s not playing fair, see if I’ll make you pancakes,” Bucky replied grumpily as he picked up his phone. At Tony’s pout he relented and after an almost shy kiss on Tony’s cheek he went downstairs to get more coffee and bake more greasy food though.

 

It took some doing to get Tony situated in the tub. Steve got soaked in the process, but the happy, relieved smile Tony gave him when he finally felt his bladder, that was somehow still in the human part of his body, empty was worth every inch of the trouble.

 

They smiled at each other, until Tony looked away shyly. “Thank you, Steve,” he said softly.

 

Steve reached out and pushed some of the wet locks behind Tony’s ear. “What for, sweetheart?”

 

“For, you know,” Tony waved at the lower half of his body, “not freaking out on me.”

 

“After I thought you had a tentacle face this is really not that bad,” Steve grinned, earning him a splash of water in the face. “Come on, let’s go get you dried off and put some breakfast in you.” Steve fetched a towel and helped Tony out of the tub, hugging him tight for a moment. “It’ll be alright, you’ll see.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [Tumblr](http://bill-longbow.tumblr.com) or join us on the [ Stuckony discord server ](https://discord.gg/jtXcc3n) for all things Tony, Bucky and Steve!
> 
> Here you'll find Wren's [ Wren's other gorgeous art](http://massivespacewren.tumblr.com)


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